31 - Anna Storer. How she survived domestic abuse and is now using her experiences to help others through raising awareness and her new business venture selling gifts that support self love.

I am so grateful to Anna for sharing her story, it must have been really painful to re-explore all these experiences and capture them for us.

Anna sent her story in and at the end she said ‘Apologies it is so long winded I wanted to capture each moment and try to explain how abuse works, the warnings signs and that help is out there.’

​No apologies needed!! 

Anna’s Story
 
Our Story is one of struggles, survival and success and I am so blessed for the opportunity to be able to share this with you. If we can inspire one family it's all worthwhile...
 
I'm Anna (31) single mummy to two beautiful daughters ages 13 and 8 years. Life has been kind of eventful for me, not without its many challenges along the way. 
 
When I was 17 I was sexually abused by my boss, I didn't tell anyone for years I was ashamed and felt I was to blame. I wrote a letter to explain I wouldn't be returning to work and I made up some excuse to my mum and left. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my mum as she had been at school with him. 
 
Later I fell pregnant with my first baby (I had been in the relationship 3 years), I was thrilled to bits and so excited to become a mummy for the first time. I am one of six children so I am used to being around others and I always had that strong maternal instinct. Unfortunately at 8 weeks I began spotting and found out I had lost my baby. I had a rough time with the miscarriage I was in a lot of pain and losing so much blood I was rushed into hospital.
 
At 18 I fell pregnant again and at 19 my first daughter was born happy and healthy at home. Although I haemorrhaged and was rushed into hospital for a blood transfusion.
 
When my baby girl was three months old I lost my big brother Dom in a horrific car accident, he was 20 at the time. We never got to say goodbye as the car he was travelling blew up into a ball of flames, meaning he was identified by his teeth. I sunk into a deep depression and disbelief. Cradling my baby in my arms I would stand for hours on my mum's drive way waiting for him to come home. Convincing myself they had somehow got it wrong. 
 
I later went on to miscarriage again this time finding out at my 12 week scan that my baby had died at 8 weeks old. I was broken all over again. My relationship with my partner eventually broke down and we went our separate ways. We had been together 7 years from 14 to 21 and I think we had just grown apart.
 
I actually loved being a single mummy and embraced it being the two of us. I was able to dedicate all my time to my daughter and she flew through nursery and school always above target. I loved the independence of renting my own home and decorating it myself choosing my own furniture and raising my daughter.
 
Time went on and I began to venture out more on the weekend when my daughter would see her dad. I'd already become friends with an older bloke from the village and soon we became more than friends. I fell head over heels in love with this man 10 years older than me who had me believe he was an amazing family man. I fell hook line and sinker for every little lie he ever told me! He wanted a baby and I wanted to keep him happy so I soon fell pregnant with our daughter (now 8). I thought it would be one of the happiest moments of my life when that positive result came back on the pregnancy test. I couldn't wait to tell him he was going to be a daddy! But the reaction I truly believed I'd get was far from what actually happened...
 
I had to break the news via text message because he refused to come home from the pub. Even after I broke the news staying out and getting wasted was far more important! My whole world came crashing down around me as reality slowly sunk in; he wasn't that family man he had made himself out to be at all. He probably didn't even want to be a dad as much as he had made out it was more about keeping me indoors, preventing me from going to the pub or socialising with my friends. 
 
I was very poorly throughout my pregnancy suffering with hyperemesis. I was hospitalised and placed on a drip as I couldn't keep anything down. If I was lucky he would visit although only to brag about how he had won a date with another woman on some stupid raffle thing down the pub. Here I am feeling at deaths door looking shocking and needing reassurance and that's what I get! I was rock bottom.
 
Later at home when I was heavily pregnant he returned from the pub bladdered one night, I was exhausted and just wanted sleep. I asked if he’d leave or sleep on the sofa that night and his response was to violently kick me in my heavily pregnant baby bump. He booted me so hard I fell out of the bed.
 
I was so taken aback and distraught that he could do that whilst I was carrying his baby but I wasn't about to argue with him. I clambered back into bed rolled over and shut my eyes. I couldn't tell anyone I couldn't face the ‘I told you so's’. When we first got together his friends would regularly warn me he liked his drink too much but I naively told myself I’d be that girl he would want to change for. 
 
New Years Eve came around and we went out with all his family to celebrate and bring in the New Year together. Hopefully things would be better this year I'd hoped...how wrong was I?! That night as we waited on the taxi arriving to take us home he began to lose his temper with me. Apparently I'd taken too long in the toilets and that meant I must have been up to something. I dreaded that taxi arriving as I knew what would happen when we got home. Sure enough as soon as we stepped through the front door the insults began pouring out, I'm a slag, a slut, who is it? What I am I up to? Etc, etc. He began to pull me around by my hair tearing out my hair extensions. I told my daughter's (and his from a previous relationship) we were play fighting and to go upstairs and get ready for bed. I carried my baby girl upstairs and made us all a bed from mattresses and duvets in the girls room. I was not going to share a bed with him that night the sight of him made me shudder. I told our girls it was an adventure and I was making a den for us.
 
Later in the year he would go on to drop our baby daughter on the floor from standing height. He then fell too, faceplanting the floor and landing smack on top of her. I was in a rage hurting me was one thing but hurting our daughter was something else. I tore him off of her and scooped her into my arms, cradling her close to my chest. I began shouting at him. I thought he must have taken drugs or something I'd never seen anyone that drunk before. I obviously riled him with what I'd said, he followed me into the kitchen, pinned me by the radiator and begin blowing kicks at me. The whole time I'm cradling our daughter in my arms protecting her from his blows as he yells a million and one insults at me.
 
It was always my fault, I learnt that I was the one who pushed him to drink, if I wasn't the way I was maybe he wouldn’t drink so much and he would be normal. When you hear something enough times you soon start to believe it. So I would never tell anyone, how could I? I was asking for it, it was because of me he did these things.
 
Another house, another drama. I would begin to find empty vodka bottles, wine bottles and cans under the sink, under our baby girls cot bed, in her wardrobe. His drinking was beyond a joke and I knew I had to end the relationship. One time I'd popped to the shop with my girls and when we returned from the corner of my eye I spotted something in the garden. I asked my oldest to take her little sister inside while I went to check. I couldn't believe my eyes when I found him in the shed surrounded by empty cans, bottles and old newspapers. I have no clue how long he had been there watching us in the house. It totally freaked me out but as always he managed to convince me it was because he loved me and missed me so much and he needed me and nobody could ever compare to me. 
 
Another home and this time I moved in just me and my girls. It was supposed to be a break for freedom. I knew this time I couldn't go back there again but agreed to be friends for our daughters sake. I began to socialise more again and build a little life for myself and my girls. He didn't like that and the name calling would continue for years to come the emotional and mental abuse constantly wearing me down. But I would always forgive him because it was me that had made him angry. I was to blame.
 
One night after I had put the girls to bed and read them a bed time story I came downstairs and it was like a flick had been switched. As soon as the girls were gone he was a different person. I was trying to make conversation and keep it light with humour but I must have said something to annoy him. Before I knew it he’d ripped his trainer off and smashed me so hard clean around the face with it. My eyes filled with tears instantly I couldn't hold them back it was the sharpest pain ever. I was in shock but I knew I needed him to leave I begged and pleaded but like always he would give me that smug grin and refuse.
 
This was the one and only time I would ring the police. Enough was enough I had my girls upstairs they had seen and heard enough in the past and I couldn’t put them through it anymore. I picked up the phone and dialled 999 but I panicked before they even answered and hung up quickly. He was too drunk to even notice let alone care! I rang for my mum and dad to come to get him to leave, they arrived quickly and he left stumbling on his way out barely able to hold himself up. The next thing I knew there was a knock on the door and the police were here. I hadn't realised they sent officers even if you hung up. I had to give a statement of what had happened and tell them my girls were upstairs. I was so scared they'd be taken away I don't even remember if I mentioned he had hit me. Or if I had just said he was drunk and verbally aggressive and I couldn't get him to leave. 
 
They advised me on what to do if it happened in the future to find a safe room if possible like the bathroom with a lock. To lock me and the girls in and call 999 someone would be with us straight away. My head was a complete mess I couldn’t figure out how my life had come to this. They wanted me to press charges and apply for an injunction but like the idiot I had become I didn't. 
 
Later he would go on to beat me for the last time. He found out I had slept with someone else (bear in mind I had technically been single for ages at this point). He completely lost it and tore the pipe off the Hoover smashing me repeatedly around the leg with it as I curled up in a ball on the sofa. I refused to cry he wasn't going to get that satisfaction from me. By the end my leg was black and blue.
 
I decided this time I was going to be strong I didn't deserve that. I was beginning to realise that actually I wasn't to blame. I was single and what I did had nothing to do with him. It was summer and I decided I wasn't going to cover up this year why should I?! So I wore shorts and dresses and my bruises were on show. This was my cry for help! My dad questioned me instantly he knew it was him but I denied it making up some daft story. Later that night though I told my dad he knew the truth and I didn't want it to happen again.
 
I asked my mum and dad to take us home that night as I had a feeling he would be waiting. I wasn't wrong as we pulled up outside my house he calmly came strutting through the back gate. My dad went mad but had just come out of hospital so he warned him if he ever hit me again he would kill him. None of us could believe what happened next, that same smug smile came across his face and he calmly responded with I didn't hit her I kicked her. Which not only was a total lie but kicking is a form of hitting anyway. He was so cool and calm about it as though he had done nothing wrong. 
 
I vowed that would be the last time he would be physically violent towards me. And it was! I broke away moving house and starting a fresh, just me and my girls.
 
That was 5 years ago this November. Although I've stuck my ground with him physically abusing me the mental and emotional abuse would continue over that whole period of time. Until December 29th 2017 when I picked our daughter up from his for the last time. He was totally bladdered and had received enough warnings if he drank while she was in his care again I would remove her.
 
I refused to have my daughter's growing up around that in that unhealthy environment any longer. Or it would become their norm and was I ‘eck going to allow them to believe that was normal. I was very lucky in that our daughter decided she didn't want any form of contact with her dad what so ever from that point onwards. 
 
She has since confided how he has stood on her hands and feet purposefully in the past, she has witnessed several arguments between him, his other daughter and his mum. She has witnessed him hit her half sister on numerous occasions. She has been begged and bribed by his family and him not to tell me when he’s been drinking or when he stole his mum's bank card. He often fell asleep when she was alone in his care and he would sometimes even play dead. My daughter's are traumatised by things they have seen and heard. They are emotionally scarred and I now deal with picking up the pieces, making up for all the times I forgave him and tried to be friends.
 
I now do everything in my power to protect them and put them first. I listen when they want to talk and I allow them to have their own opinions, thoughts and feelings and support them no matter what. 
 
It is their strength, courage and determination which has helped me break free and I truly owe my daughter's my life. I was always weak and naive I am so incredibly proud of their attitude and their knowledge that his behavior is wrong, is unacceptable, is inexcusable. 
 
I am still coming to terms with the level of abuse I suffered. I accept the physical violence and have moved forward from that. I struggle so much to overcome the mental and emotional side. It's strange to be at a friend's or have friends over and not be glued to my phone all night. Constantly having to explain myself that it was friends that there wasn't anyone else, that I was at home or at a friend's that I hadn't gone out. This was a regular occurrence for years, always having to explain myself, that I didn't fancy anyone, that I hadn't slept with this person or that person, or the other. I was still sleeping with him for years when I didn't want to but if I didn't he would always think it meant I had someone else and I didn't find him sexually attractive and therefore I must be up to something. I would get told I was being unfair, leading him on, giving him false hope. I couldn't win, I could never win. I was always wrong and he was always right. He would tell me what I was feeling all the time, I used to say to him ‘you seem to know me better than I know myself.’ He needed to find ways to control me, to make me blame myself so that I would forgive him.
 
I have just recently had a non molestation order granted in court. At the hearing he tried his best to paint himself as the victim, even trying to get me to agree to a cross undertaking. I was blessed to have support from an amazing solicitor and from NIDAS my local domestic abuse charity. In the end he eventually agreed not to oppose the order. He has now threatened me with legal advice in terms of our daughter but I’ll wait to hear from a solicitor if he gets one. I know my daughter has her own views and opinions and will talk about why she doesn’t want to see her dad or have any contact. I know she can also give a statement to the police.
 
I am trying to move forward and not allow him to put fear into me or into my daughter's. They are my reason for not giving up and the inspiration behind our new family business...
 
We began ‘Oh Beautiful Release’ in January this year (2018). Me and my daughter's sat down together and talked about our experience. I thought of a way we could turn it into a positive not only for us but hopefully to inspire and empower other families. I began sourcing suppliers, explaining our story behind our business. In March 2018 we began to launch the products and make sales. 
 
We put together gorgeous gift bags and beautiful boxes or one time treats, all of our perfect products are sourced from small businesses, each handmade using all natural ingredients. We also created our own range of affirmation cards for children, teens, adults and a special selection for looked after/adopted children. I work super hard to source the most amazing high quality (yet affordable to all) gorgeous gifts. 
 
The aim of ‘Oh Beautiful Release’ is to empower and encourage women to feel special again, to know that there is ALWAYS someone who truly cares and to make that all important bit of ME time. We also aim to encourage positive relationships, building bonds and aiding anxiety. In the future we plan to branch out even further into children's products as it is so important that they realise just how incredibly special they are. 
 
A 5% donation from each sale goes to NIDAS (Nottinghamshire Independent Domestic Abuse Services) our local domestic abuse charity. The charity offer outstanding support to families who are or have previously experienced domestic abuse. They have and continue to support us through our journey and we are eternally grateful for all that they do.  
 
We work to raise awareness of domestic abuse, sharing our story to encourage others to stand up and speak out. We share facts and figures, what's in the news and where to get help etc.
 
If we can help one family to stand up and speak out, seek help and move forward with their future we have achieved an amazing goal. If we can help even more then we are smashing it!!! 
 
Our products are available via our Facebook page or Instagram  where you can direct message us to place an order. Or email us on the email address below, website launching shortly! 
https://www.facebook.com/Oh-Beautiful-Release-1570013326421954 
www.instagram.com/ohbeautifulrelease 
ohbeautifulrelease@outlook.com 
www.ohbeautifulrelease.com 

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The BeGlad Movement is aiming to collect 100 stories of good coming out of bad and reasons to be glad by the end of 2018 to help support each other with our experiences and to raise money for the Samaritans and Action for Happiness. If you would like to donate it would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you!

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/beglad