50 - Emma Gorton - how a lost love and a broken heart can lead you to more confidence and stronger connections.

​2017 wasn’t the best year for me.

I was in a relationship with someone who at the time I thought was “the one” and I’d settled into a new house with him with our gorgeous adopted dog. I’d also quit my full time job to start up my own business working out of the little studio in our house that I’d carefully planned, decorated and kitted out.

​In my mind, that was it and the next step was going to be marriage and kids.

My ex had other ideas though. He’d just left the military and although I’d been warned that it could be a difficult transition and that he might “take it out on me” he seemed to be adjusting to civilian life very well and was enjoying his new job. Little did I know that the reason he was enjoying the new job so much was because he was seeing one of the girls from the office behind my back!

After two months of desperately trying to make the relationship work, all the while dealing with depression and his refusal to stop seeing this woman (he claimed it was “all in my head” - I had evidence to the contrary), I finally called it quits and moved out of our home and back in with my parents. It was a very painful few months - being betrayed by someone I trusted so completely and who I thought would never hurt or lie to me was one of the most painful things I’ve experienced. I had to move all of my stuff out of the house and work studio into my brother’s garage and sell the flat I had moved out of to live with him (I couldn’t face going back there).

While all of this was going on, I also had to deal with still seeing him every week whilst we shared custody of our dog. The icing on the cake came when he refused to give me full custody of her despite the fact that he worked long full-time hours whilst my working from home meant that with me, she wouldn’t be on her own for hours on end every day. Even though we had adopted her together, he had signed the adoption forms meaning that legally she was his. It was devastating to lose her as I’d spent every day with her (up until the break up) and she was like my baby. I told myself though that it was the price I was going to have to pay for getting closure and removing him completely from my life.

Despite the horrendous few months I had, it was actually really nice to be living with my parents again as we grew closer and I didn’t realise how lonely and isolated I’d become in my relationship. My ex had always had a way of making me feel like everyone else was more important than me but I started connecting with old friends and slowly began to feel appreciated and like myself again. The depression I’d struggled with for months before the breakup slowly started to disappear and my confidence began to grow. I threw myself into my business, determined to make a real success of it and it actually grew more in those first few months of me being single again than it had done in the entire year beforehand. I felt really excited about getting a fresh new start.

Sometimes I think you can lose yourself in a relationship and when I look back I realise that most of the decisions “we” made as a couple were actually a lot more beneficial to him. It was only a partnership for him when it suited him and then when it didn’t he discarded me like rubbish. I’ve come to realise that being cheated on by him was actually a blessing in disguise. All of the positive things that have happened since that have far outweighed the bad. The only thing I miss is my beloved dog.

Fast forward a year later and I feel like a completely different person. I’m much happier and more confident than I ever was when I was with him, I’ve got my independence back, my business continues to successfully grow, I’ll be buying myself a new home within the next few months and I’m in a promising new relationship. Whilst I’d never want to go through an experience like that again, I do believe that things happen for a reason.

Never forget that even when you feel like you’re at rock bottom, things can turn around very quickly!

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