69 - Anon - Trying for a baby can be such a stressful experience, losing a baby, utterly heartbreaking.

I just want to say a massive thank you to the contributor of this story. Such painful experiences are so hard to talk about and i want to acknowledge that it must have been painful to remember this heartbreaking time. 


I had always wanted children, so when my husband and I got married we agreed that we would start trying and just go with the flow. We were in no rush but at the same time it would of been a nice surprise. 

2 years in and there had been no hint of a pregnancy and it was starting to affect me. I’d be counting out my cycle, I’d lie with my legs up in the air, looking at what I ate, I was trying everything but still nothing and I was becoming quite depressed by it. It felt like Clear Blue had a vendetta against me, every pregnancy test was always negative and I was just desperate to fall pregnant.

My husband and I agreed that we needed to seek help, so we started the proceedings with the GP to get referred to the fertility specialist, it was found that there was indeed issues with both of us and so explained why it wasn’t just happening.

Fast forward 6 months and the week we had an Appt with the GP to write the formal referral letter to the specialist and I wasn’t feeling great, nauseous, exhausted and generally yuk. So we took a test.....it was positive!!! I couldn’t actually believe it, we were so excited! The Dr agreed to hold off the referral and we started to think of life as parents.

Then 10 weeks into my pregnancy I passed some fresh blood. We went straight to A&E and they were amazing. We had a scan but the doctor refused to state either way what was going on, he wanted us to wait a further week before confirming if the pregnancy was still viable.

That week was the longest week ever and although friends and colleagues were really supportive, it was really hard to stay positive.

The day of the scan arrived and that day my world crashed down. The sonogram confirmed our baby had indeed died, it had stopped developing at 6 weeks, I’d had what’s called a Silent Miscarriage, where the baby dies but you don’t lose it. So I was booked in for emergency surgery and my poor baby was removed from me 2 days later. The drive home from hospital was the hardest thing we’d ever done, we just didn’t want to leave the baby on it own.

The following weeks and months were tough, I had a lot of pain postoperatively and mentally I was just drained. My husband supported me all the way through but it took its toll on him to, all our plans and thoughts of the future...gone. Our marriage was affected too, it took us a long time to be happy together again.

But life had to go on, we were posted and I had a new job to start.

Then this yucky, nauseous, exhausted feeling returned and this time it felt 10 times stronger....I was pregnant!!! We were so shocked and surprised, we really hadn’t been thinking about it, the loss of our first baby still felt so raw.

The nausea continued to get worse and I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Our 12 wk scan finally came and there was a heart beat, our baby was alive!!!

The next 9 months weren’t easy and my anxiety never really settled but then our beautiful baby girl was born, our Rainbow Baby.

Fast forward another 2 years and we’ve just welcomed our little boy into the world, who really was a surprise and unexpected but has completed our family.

Although those years were some of the hardest for me emotionally to endure and losing the baby devastated me, it make me appreciate my beautiful, sassy little girl and my handsome little man all the more.

These things/events happen in life, we can’t stop them, it’s what we do about it and how we react to them that makes the difference.
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The BeGlad Movement is aiming to collect 100 stories of good coming out of bad and reasons to be glad by the end of 2018 to help support each other with our experiences and to raise money for the Samaritans and Action for Happiness. If you would like to donate it would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you!

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/beglad