71 - Ayshea Bright - I wouldn’t say I'm grateful for having cancer but I am grateful for the lessons it has taught me...

Let's go back two years to August 2016... My mother in law gave us the awful news she had been diagnosed with breast cancer which was found during a routine mammogram, we were devastated to say the least, I had never dealt with anything like this before and I felt so bad for my husband I comforted him the best I could but it was so hard to find the right words to say. 

I decided I should probably check my own breasts as I never really did before, I always lived by the motto "things like that would never happen to me..." 

Guess what? It did!!! I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, a 1.8cm tumour! The day I got diagnosed my husband came with me and he was beside himself... His mum and wife both with breast cancer! I automatically went into protective mode for my husband's sake and I actually managed to stay pretty calm while we talked about what would be happening next. The plan was I would be having a lumpectomy in 2 week's time. 
 
I had 3 older children Danni 23, Amy 21 and Brandon 19, me and my husband also had a little girl Olivia 3 years... That day I told my children I had breast cancer will live with me for the rest of my life, I was totally heartbroken for my children. No matter how hard i tried to play it down to them, they were adults and were aware what cancer was. I felt so guilty telling my family this news, I know it wasn't my fault I had cancer but that really did not make me feel any less guilty, the fact that I had no answers for them was also hard because I didn’t know what all this would mean for us as a family. 
 
There were numerous appointments to the hospital for different tests, we felt like we were never away from the place, I had never really suffered any illnesses until now...  Trust me to have something so serious after 43 years of being healthy!  
 
I had a lumpectomy which was a drama in itself, I was allergic to the blue dye they use in surgery to find your lymph nodes... I went into anaphylactic shock, thankfully I was in the right place! I was not well after my operation and took longer than normal to recover. My family and friends were amazing and really supported me through this tough time. 
 
My pathology report came back 2 weeks after the operation and I was told the news that they did not get all the cancer so I would need a mastectomy and reconstruction. I found this really hard to cope with, I thought I would be done and dusted after the lumpectomy. My tumour was sent to America for a new test they were using to see if I would benefit from chemotherapy... Another 2 weeks wait! It came back NO chemotherapy well that was a blessing at least I got to keep my hair!  
 
I had my mastectomy, it was an 8-hour operation which again didn’t go so smooth. While I was in the recovery room, I started suffering with sleep apnoea which was setting all sorts of alarms off. I was taken back to the ward and I had an almighty panic attack, I was petrified and I really did think I was going to die! 
 
My results came back from pathology 2 weeks after my operation, and would you believe it they found another 5.5cm of Ductal Carcinoma in situ! Now that was hard to swallow as it had not been found on any of the scans I had had, this really scared me. My cancer was fed by Oestrogen, so the next step was to go onto hormone therapy for ten years, I could deal with that or so I thought... 
 
After I recovered physically from my operation I went back to work and was fine for the first couple of months, but then the side effects from the hormone therapy really started to take their toll on me. I was fatigued all the time, fuzzy headed, my bones ached and I had no concentration. I really felt like I had no standard of life, I hated taking them and they made me feel so low in myself. The emotions from the whole situation had started to catch up with me and boy did I know about it! 
 
I started to get obsessive and was googling secondary cancer, cancer reoccurrence and things like that but I was doing this every spare moment I had, I also started to check my breasts everyday then it got to about 5 times a day! That mind battle about reoccurrence or secondary cancer is so hard to control and it really does take you down to a very dark place. 
 
It eventually all came to a head, I ended up off sick from work again with mental health problems. I was so determined to get better I had enough of living life with this negative attitude I had to start focusing on living again. I was missing out on precious time with my family because I was so wrapped up in myself!  I normally am a very positive person and I needed that part of me back! I told myself I had 2 choices... I can either give in and just worry for the next 5, 10, 20 years or I could sort myself out and just bloody live my life! I chose the latter!  
 
I went to see my GP and told him everything, I was prescribed anti-depressants which also help with the side effects of my hormone tablet. I also attended counselling which really helped. I used breast cancer care support charity's free services which were amazing, I used the online forum where I linked up with other women feeling the same way and I started to use the BECCA app which gave you tips for your wellbeing after cancer.
 
Slowly I started to get better and knew that it was going to take time to get to know this new me, to be honest with you I actually think I grieved for who I was before the cancer and I didn’t half miss her. I was more determined than ever to make this terrible experience into something good and with this at the front of my mind I pushed forward with my life.
 
I eventually went back work and settled in fine, my work colleagues were very understanding which really helped. I started to think about what I wanted to do with my life,  I knew I wanted to give something back to women. I contacted Breast Cancer Care support charity about volunteering and a new post had come up 'breast cancer care speaker' I had an interview over the phone which I smashed, I think she was most impressed when I told her 'I'm not a quite person, I have a bit of a gob on me so I may as well put it to good use'. I went and completed the training and set to work on encouraging people to be breast aware.  
 
My little sister has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer so I am supporting her at the moment with her journey but she is very strong and is doing great at the moment, another part of this story is that my sister has been checked for genetic links as she is only 30 years old we are awaiting results from this which may mean I have to have more operations but what's the point in worrying it might be negative fingers crossed so we are just getting on with it... My sister is amazing and her strength is something else! 
 
l really want everyone to be breast aware I've even told strangers like cashier's etc., I always like a natter when I'm packing the shopping ha-ha. I have moved on with my journey even more this last two months (yes, I have come to terms that this is a life long journey) and whatever I am going through, it is how I react to it that makes the difference. My mother in law is over her treatment to now and is doing very well. 
 
I have started my own blog about my story to raise as much awareness as possible and it has taken off really well, if you want to hear more of my story  go to cuppawithayorkshirelass.com... I have changed so much these last two years, for the better I might add. I am so much more focused about life and I feel I am a more compassionate person. 
 
I wouldn’t say I'm grateful for having cancer but I am grateful for the lessons it has taught me... one last question... Do you check your boobs regularly??  

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The BeGlad Movement is aiming to collect 100 stories of good coming out of bad and reasons to be glad by the end of 2018 to help support each other with our experiences and to raise money for the Samaritans and Action for Happiness. If you would like to donate it would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you!

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/beglad