25 - A Miracle Baby And An Abusive Relationship

My Story - I was 20 and saw this guy on social media who caught my eye. We started talking, we went on a date and it became official.
 
Unfortunately after a month things just weren’t adding up and I became suspicious but he assured me he wanted to be in the relationship so I believed him.

After about three months I fell pregnant. It was a huge shock because when I was 18 I was told that I couldn’t conceive naturally. Because of this I felt it was fate and made the decision to keep the baby.

My family were not pleased as I was in university and they felt it wasn’t the right time because it would affect my studies. My partner did not want the baby either and told me to choose him or the baby.
 
I choose the baby.
 
Feeling very alone with my family not talking to me I was in a vulnerable position so when he begged for me back I went back.
 
And then things really began to go wrong. He began cheating on me, I would find out, he would lie, then argue and then just turn things back on me to make me feel guilty, resulting in me just accepting it.
 
At 8 months pregnant it happened again in the worse possible way. This time he was drunk, and that’s when the violence started, he ragged me around the room by my hair and pinned me over the bed pushing the footboard of the bed into my stomach. I screamed and screamed for help but no one heard and no one came. After an hour he eventually gave up and threw me onto the bed. The next day when I woke up he was back to being all apologetic. When I said I was leaving him he became verbally abusive. He told me no one would ever want me, that I was fat, I’d be a single mother, and I had nowhere to go so had to stay with him. Those words seemed to ring true at the time so I believed him and stayed.
 
Literally only a week later I was at work and on my break when I saw a voicemail had come through. It was from him, it was him having sex with someone else! Again the verbal abuse came. 3 weeks after the baby was born it happened again.
 
He cheated again and again and again. Each time the physical assaults would happen. I was punched, bitten, thrown down stairs, kicked and head butted. I even called his mum for help who said that I couldn’t leave him now as we had a child together. She was the first and only one I told about what was going on. It continued until the baby reached 2.5 when I finally broke and decided enough was enough.
 
He was taking all my money, going missing for days, taking drugs, binge drinking, cheating and I had no friends left because I had been making excuses not to see them to hide the bruises. I plucked up the courage to tell him I didn’t want to be with him anymore and wanted him to leave. At this point we were living in my home that I had bought. He refused to leave. So I upped sticks and took everything I could and left my own home.
 
I moved in with the only friend I had left. I poured my heart out to her and told her everything. She sat in shock and disbelief. I must have been a really good liar she said as she had literally had no idea what was going on. There was no way she was going to allow me to go back.
 
The abuse continued. He told my family and friends I was a prostitute, making up fake emails, he told me he was going to tell my boss I was a prostitute too. He told me he was going to pull down everything around me so that my only option was to go back to him.
 
Somehow I managed to stay strong. I blocked his number, no one believed him thank goodness and as I began to gain confidence and share my story a little more people were absolutely shocked.
 
After a while I plucked up the courage to go back to my house and change the locks. As expected he got really mad but this time he threatened suicide. Rather than let that riddle me with guilt I phoned his mum to let her deal with him. During these years I was on the maximum dose of antidepressants my doctor would give me, diazepam. It felt like I was living on a knifes edge constantly.
 
With everything that had happened I knew I could never go back to live in my own house, so I rented it out instead and then rented myself another house just a 10min walk from my friend. Now it was just me and my boy and it was the happiest I’d been in years. I continued to stay strong. He would change his number and then get my number and contact me so I would be continually having to block him.
 
My son is now 9 and I am now married with another little one. I am safe, secure and loved. A place I never imagined I would get to or be while I continued to live in that nightmare situation. My past is still around and affects me but I continue to remind myself my past is my past, I am a stronger person for it and I won’t let it shape my future.
 
My message to anyone else going through what I went through is not to allow anyone to take away your light. A relationship should bring out the best in you and a partner should help make you a better person, not trample on you. During those years I lost myself and who I really was, he took my strength away from me. If you are living a similar nightmare then please don’t feel embarrassed by the actions of others, they are the ones with a problem. Talk and share what’s going on so that other people can help you. You deserve the best life, the life you dream about. Get out and get help, there is someone better for you.
 
By sharing my story I hope I can encourage others who are in these relationships to see what they are, totally destructive and most of all I hope they can find the strength to get out of it like I did. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The BeGlad Movement is aiming to collect 100 stories of good coming out of bad and reasons to be glad by the end of 2018 to help support each other with our experiences and to raise money for the Samaritans and Action for Happiness. If you would like to donate it would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you!
 
https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/beglad