5 - Empathy & Identity. An Ex Army Officers Story. Moving Towards Self Acceptance and a New Career Calling

In November 2008, a weary Royal Engineer Army officer drove out of the Army camp gates at Upavon in Wiltshire for the last time. He’d handed in his uniform, helmet, respirator (gas mask to you and me) and identity card and headed home to Salisbury to whatever came next. Having being seriously ill after an operational tour in Kosovo some 9 years earlier, he’d been on medication for the last 6 months just to keep going. His first decision as a civilian was to take the slow road back to health. ​

He quit the drugs and so began a long and difficult few years. It’s been a journey of self-discovery, learning and healing, incredibly tough but life changing, with moments where Ross barely recognised himself. Ross says ‘I have an understanding now that this was what I was here to learn and now I can share my learning with others.’

This was the first time I have ever conducted an interview and I was nervous. My phone kept cutting out during my conversation with Ross so apologies for the obvious stitching together of the footage! He was a true gentleman about it all though and thoroughly professional throughout.  
 
In this interview Ross explains how his army career ended (through his own choosing) and then unfortunately depression and helplessness ensued. He explains how he felt beaten, like he had failed, how the voices in his head and the self talk were torturous and he no longer recognised himself having handed in his identity badge and the rest of the kit that had been such a big part of his life for so long at the camp gates. Looking back, he describes himself at that time as ‘the familiar stranger in the mirror.’
 
After beating himself up for a long time with all the usual machismo, just get on with it, man up type advice that wasn’t working Ross discovered that the answer was to do what he actually wanted to do least – to go on an inner journey of self discovery, asking himself some tough questions he decided that with a choice of sink or swim, when considering his wife and children, he had to swim.
 
Having found some self help books in the library he went on a voyage of self discovery which would with time and a lot of effort bring him to self acceptance.
 
Having been on a meditation retreat to help him reach his true inner self Ross came across his turning point. He began to learn to accept the thoughts he’d been suppressing all those years and open himself up to new experiences. An acquaintance suggested he would make a good mentor which led Ross to become a business mentor with Dorset business mentors. One of his first clients presented for the first time as a stressed business man in a stiff pinstripe suit. After three sessions with Ross he was arriving to meetings as a much looser and happier individual.  I wondered if Ross recognised the pinstripe suit as another kind of uniform because of his own experiences of being in a different type of uniform for so long. Through this work Ross realised how much he loved working with people and that he had a natural talent for helping people go on their own inner journeys to discover their true selves too. The fact that Ross has been there makes his empathy and ability to see past the exterior truly exceptional. He really is a first class coach and mentor.
 
The point that really hit home for me during this interview was when Ross said, ‘Your shadow side is often where your power lies,’ and I feel this is a powerful message to everyone going through a tough time, keep going, you never know what good will come out of the bad once you’ve been through it.   
 
The rest is history and from there Ross has gone on to build a successful business mentoring and coaching business. He runs Salisbury Coaching Circle and has recently joined forces with some other exceptional coaches to form the Cancer Coaching Community. Supporting friends, family, sufferers and survivors of cancer.
 
If you would like to reach out to Ross you can find him here
 
www.transitiontransformers.co.uk
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The BeGlad project is aiming to collect 100 stories of good coming out of bad and reasons to be glad by the end of 2018 to help support each other with our experiences and to raise money for the Samaritans and Action for Happiness. If you would like to donate it would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you!

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/beglad