Feeling blue

Hey folks, I keep thinking I’ll do a facebook live about this but actually being down at my husband’s parents house doesn’t make it the easiest and I guess that’s a contributing factor too.
 
I have been really down recently.
 
So almost a week ago I hit the story collecting target of 100 stories! Hurrah! But I still haven’t hit the target of raising the £10,000 to be split equally between the Samaritans and Action for Happiness.
 
When time felt super tight a lot of people said to me I should extend the deadline or reduce the amount of stories I needed to collect. But that seemed like willingly failing without a fight.
 
So I went at it hammer and tongs, some days interviewing four people in a day, but the actual interview is the fun part, the enjoyable bit. Creating the end screens, thumbnails, write up,  collating the links, rendering, uploading, sharing across multiple platforms part really was not so much fun, but the idea of keeping my word kept me going.
 
On reflection, now I write, I doubt anyone would give a flying hoot if I hadn’t done it though, it was a target I had made up for myself after all. And everyone is so busy with their own lives; I doubt it would really get noticed in the grand scale of things if I had just shrunk away and not said any more about the whole affair.
 
But I did hit the target so why am I feeling so sad…? And when I say sad I mean really down. I literally sobbed on the sofa Tuesday. Which is madness as I’ve got people I need to follow up with, more people willing to share and contribute.  I’ve been saying for a while now that the challenge will not be the end of the BeGlad Movement so it wasn’t like it was really the end, I don’t think I am mourning the end of the project. Hmmm.
 
Maybe I’m sad because I haven’t yet hit the fundraising target? I’m not sure, partly I guess. Although I think a fair bit of it has to do with the way I have treated myself recently. I’ve put all health and wellness to the side in the pursuit of this goal, I haven’t been to the gym and done a proper work out for over a month and I’ve been grabbing bowls of cereal and eating at my desk, shovelling in food in between tasks and then suddenly noticing I’d finished a bowl of cereal without really even tasting it. So I’d go and get another, and do the same all over again. Never fully satisfied.  But these are just silly little insignificant things right?
 
There is a reason people say you should put your own gas mask on before you help someone else, because if you are dead you are pretty useless and won’t be able to help anyone basically!!
 
I’d ripped of my gas mask and was running at my goal only to faint in the fumes at the end. Some hard lessons learned which I could elaborate on a bit more but it feels like too much effort to get my words into legible sentences and not scrambled thoughts at the moment, plus I only have limited time before my son wakes up from his afternoon nap.
 
So my apologies to all the people who I’ve not responded to over the last week or so, I was super busy and then I crashed in a spectacular way.  I’m going to rest and recharge over Christmas and beg for forgiveness in the New Year if that’s ok with you guys.
 
Have an amazing Christmas everyone.  Lobe Polls. xx

Oh yeah - and if you would like to help me out with the donation side of things I would be so so grateful - thank you.  Here is the link below. 

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/beglad